It's Official: 3 Minute Sex is Ok

Oh thanks the Gods! Hallelujah! I came across an article in the Sydney Morning Herald last week that made me, for the first time in my life, feel adequate about my sexual prowess. The opening paragraph stated,



The best sex should last between seven and 13 minutes, and even three-minute sex is "adequate", a major survey of US experts has concluded.



I felt vindicated, like Ruben Carter freed from jail after 20 years for a murder he didn’t commit. 3 MINUTES! Since 1979 I have been telling my women that one song on a CD was long enough (unless it was Kashmir by Led Zeppelin). Two songs was bordering on tedious. Most of them left me. For what? My mates would fill my head with their glorious exploits of sexual prowess and large genitalia and the 8 hours of torrid love making that they’d just partaken in. I’d never argued my point too vigorously, in fact I’d usually nod meekly, muttering, um yeah me and my missus just finished a nine hour session ourselves, inwardly grieving my sad 70’s man sexual technique. But no longer! Redemption is mine.



The study, published in the international Journal of Sexual Medicine, is the “first to review what the experts believe is the ideal length of time to have penetrative sex, with the random sample of Americans and Canadians labelling seven to 13 minutes most "desirable".



Intercourse lasting between three and seven minutes was deemed "adequate", but anything less was "too short" and beyond 13 minutes was "too long".



I wonder if I could get this article printed out on a card to show my lucky dates? I could carry it in my wallet along with my 20-year-old condom.



US studies show Americans expect penetrative sex to last between 15 and 20 minutes, even though self reports indicate it is over in less than half this time.



Yeah I’ve always made it a policy to deduct at least 50% off anything anyone ever tells me.



"In the fantasy model of male sexuality, men have large penises, rock-hard erections, and can sustain sexual activity all night long," Dr Corty wrote.



Well, all my friends do!



"Usually women are quite happy with short intercourse, and are not bothered about prolonging it at all, but nearly all men want it to be much, much longer."



And herein lies the problem for me. Because, in all my field studies I have found this to be the total opposite! Is there somebody I could sue? How could this have happened to me? Why didn’t somebody tell me before……



An innocent man in a living hell.

That's the story of the Hurricane,

But it won't be over till they clear his name

And give him back the time he's done.

Put in a prison cell, but one time he could-a been

The champion of the world.

The Legend Bob Dylan